Today is Thursday morning, which is for some reason, usually my worst day of the work week. It is probably because I can just smell Friday right around the corner... freedom!!! But yet it is so far away, and the cares and stresses of the previous three days are weighing on me heavily. Must get everything wrapped up by the weekend! So forgive me if this seems a little "rantish" ;)
Since this blog is all about getting real, I'm going to do just that. Here goes... I am beginning to wonder if I am just becoming a super negative, cynical, frustrated person. Now, if you read Nicole's previous post, you will probably just want to slap me in the face, because I have never ever had to go through anything so hard in my life. And that is what makes this all so strange. I have a wonderful husband, a truly happy marriage, amazing friends from every corner of the country, a cute little house, a dreamy job where I am basically my own boss and I get to "do ministry" in some capacity, so I know my work has a deeper meaning. So why, you ask, am I wondering this about myself?
Basically, I'm starting to really listen to myself, and I'm not liking what I am hearing. I am hearing someone who unwittingly is spouting negativity, complaining, griping, debating, ranting, raving, and basically just frustrated with the world in general. Now, I have always prided myself on being "real", so it is important that we distinguish that from what I am talking about. I think that there is a difference between being "real" and just using that as an excuse not to be a better person on the inside.
Overall, I feel like I can just see so much hope and promise in the world, and especially for the church and its impact on people. I get a vision for such great things, but then I look at how messed up everything is, (the church, the world, our nation, politics, etc.) and I just want to scream. I honestly feel like some tormented prophet or something, like my issues with the church and everything else are consuming me. Don't get me wrong, I'm not comparing myself to Jeremiah, but sometimes I feel like I can totally feel his pain.
I know that there is hope, but I guess you could say the devil's in the details. I yearn for my life to mean something in the world, and to see change in so many ways, but I know I can't do it on my own, and I often struggle with feeling like I am isolating myself because of my strong opinions. If anyone can offer some encouraging words I am ready to hear it!! I know there must be balance in life, and I guess that it what I am seeking. Love you ladies!
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The paradox of insular language
7 months ago
5 comments:
Hey girls! I just wanted to let you know I've started reading your blog and really enjoy it! What a great idea. Great writing, great topic, really cool way to keep the bond of friendship alive from across the country. I hope you're not mad that I'm kind of stealing your idea by trying to get my college roomies to do something like this!
God bless!
Alicia (Neher) Denniston
I have the same problem on a daily basis. I have found that while I get so frustrated and angry, one day it literally hit me that I was doing myself and everyone else absolutely no good. So, I started to really try to redirect it. (I know very early childhood, but seriously) Any time I found myself beginning to complain about a person, an organization, or a situation I make myself just give it to God at that moment. It sounds so simple but I am ashamed to say it has taken me 27 years to get there. It has made a huge difference for me. But, on the other hand I think that God uses those things to remind us that we are not done. He uses our aggravations with our passions-His work-to remind us that there is always something to continue working on.
Hey Hil Dogg,
Gosh, I miss you.
Thank you for sharing. I too totally deal with this. I definately do it with the church and my family, but when I realize I am doing it to my husband...that just breaks me.
I know that my boss and I have talked about monents like this. He asks if they are "paralizing" moments. Don't let those frustrations paralyze you from moving forward to what God has shown you to be true(changes in life/church/marriage/friendship/work). Be frustrated, give your self some time (or a 5 min. vent session will do it for me) and then decide what you are going to do. Move forward. Or stay frustrated.
Also, I think that God brings some things to our attention to grow us and get us moving. I love when the things of church, misistry, traditions, etc. bug people...I usually think that is God's nudging them (or me). Not everyone has those passions for those same issues. I think he is calling us into action whether it be prayer, support, job change, or volunteering. There is a reason for your hearts sensitivity to certain issues...try to figure out why?
Just some thoughts, because this is familiar territory for me as well.
Chuck it if it doesn't apply. ;O)
Thanks SO much ladies for your responses!! They really are so helpful. I definitely feel like the Lord is pushing me forward out of that paralyzed feeling, into action and not stagnation and bitterness. Liz and I were talking about this yesterday, and we agreed that it is more about naming, and living out what you are FOR, instead of what you against. It is easy to sit back and just get cynical about how everyone else has got it wrong, while you are doing nothing in your "paralyzed" state. But once you begin to name what gives you hope, it becomes a catalyst for you to make a difference in the world and in the lives of the people around you. Love you ladies and I don't know what I'd do without such awesome sisters. :)
These are all great thoughts. I am a passionate person, and also someone who seeks justice in every situation. It's easy for me to walk in a prideful manner. I can tend to think that my way of doing things is the best way, and I close myself off to the notion that maybe there are other ways of doing things. As Hilary and I spoke last week we talked about how vital it is for those who consider themselves to be catalysts to proceed with great humility. It's there that we can truly make an impact on our culture.
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